Secret Cavern

deeper in love..

2011-01-23T01:27:00.002+08:00

there is a longing only you can fill, a raging tempest only you can still..

resolutions again...

2010-01-02T02:08:00.003+08:00

the whole world is making resolutions again. seems like my resolutions this years isnt anything new.... i could imagine copying those lines i wrote on this very wall merely a year ago and pasting them here.

life seemed to be a vicious cycle that repeats over and over again. I need a change. i need to see somebody new in the mirror next year. those resolutions are better written in my heart.

1 step forward and 2 steps back...

2009-10-10T00:05:00.005+08:00

*sigh* Sometimes, life's just not as straight forward as it seems. Many likened life to a marathon, whhich some started off very well, but just did not get to finish the race.

Its half way through yet another semester for me. Amidst the business, I seemed to have lost myself once again. Feels like i've forgotten what i really want in life. All these set me to wonder if there is a true purpose in life. All the church-going hasn't really transformed me into a faithful follower of what a christian should believe. haha... Well, that's maybe because I am really not like Paul - with all his fanciful tale about a beam of light falling on him when he was on his way to damascus which eventually led him to the discovery of his true 'calling'. haha.. Okok, enough of these churchy rantings. All these stuff seems to be replaying so many times in my life that I simply lost count.

Back to the topic.. are there really some kind of purpose for our existence. Is human life just like the life cycle of any other organism on earth - nothing more than a way to prolong the life of the species through constant renewal and regeneration, but in a more fanciful manner (given our unusual intellect)? Do we create purposes for ourselves so that we might live purposeful and fulfilling lives? Tell me what you think if you see this?

gee.. i really hate periods like this :(

updates... (pls bear with my rantings...)

2009-08-21T21:55:00.006+08:00

The school's curriculum has finally lauched into its full swing... and it seems like this sem is busier than before... with 25 AUs on my belt, and pending 3 AUs more....nasty and boring subjects like Professional Communication (some course on resume writing and prep for intervews) and Engineers and Society (brain-washing subject taught by a boring lecturer).. projects to do... reports to complete... half the people whom i used to meet daily gone on missing and overseas... things are quite different. Well, not that I haven't expected it.

Amidst all the academic pursuits, I am not neglecting my poor actin and mysin... keeping to a 3 times a week workout regime is trying... but,nonetheless, it has kept me feeling fresh and alert....

I guess that's how things are supposed to be like when you get pulled out of your comfort zone. Being busy is want i always wanted. I've lived feeling more fulfilled and less time to waste....less time to emo... when time becomes a precious commodity.

I once heard a message on "living your dreams" by a pastor in church. He said that the most dangerous items in my household's not the sharp objects and tools... but the arm chair. Too much rest.. or sloth... robs us of our potential to realise our dreams.

This semester is going to be good. I am moving one step nearer. ;)

counting down...

2009-07-30T12:32:00.002+08:00

its finally less than 2 weeks before back to sch.. to be exact that should be 12 days? Sweet! So many things that i need to do before getting back to those books again... photocopying some books... get some new shoes.. etc etc...

And I just realised that this coming semester will be so different... i guess it'll probably more of me spending more time with the books and gym.. afterall i won't be seeing so many friendly faces next semester - at least a dozen of them will be on Industrial attachment! Quite a few are flying overseas to places like france, switzerland and denmark for student exchange programme. wish that everyone will have a fruitful time.

in the meantime, it will be more fun and meet up with friends, to catch up and to say farwewell :)

emo emo again...hahah

2009-07-07T22:13:00.009+08:00

It took me a moment to decide if I should write this post. haha, that's cos' I think it's gonna be too emo...haha... so what should I do?... But I recall reading on a fren's blog (who started blogging again after a long hiatus), that he's writing neither to entertain nor to please.... Afterall, this is my place where I scribe my reflections, thoughts and initimate feelings.... so I am just gonna write anything that pleases me.. HAHA..

Over the past few weeks, I have been pondering deeply on 'loving'. It started off when I saw a very impactful string of words on a friend's blog.... "You can have everything, but if you haven't love, you are truly nothing..." Those familiar with the bible would know that's the origin of this teaching. This isn't the first time I heard this, but this time round, these words kept me thinking for a long long time. I guess these are the word for this season of my life...

Everyone must have had some bad experiences in life. Some, we chuck aside... we run from them... (and a fortunate few ) we are able to resolve... but there the ones which we simply have no power against. We build tall walls to defend ourselves.... when these experiences gets too painful, we try to anesthetise ourselves.... Sometimes we even mutilate ourselves from within with the harshest self-condemnation. What's left over after such horrid treatment is nothing but a badly scarred soul that bleeds for acceptance...cry for comfort..yearns for love.

Personally, i think the most brutal wars are not waged with swords, but those that battles within the heart. In a materialistic, superficial world today, where only the affluent, successful and beautiful gets a share of the limelight... many who find themselves far from such qualities often feel insecure, inferior and unloved. They struggle to change. Many flock to gymnasiums, beauty parlours, aesthetic clinics to get a make-over to look like the next "Brangelina".... not to get a fix for their physical flaws, but a cure for their broken self-esteem. Students no longer study for their passions. They put away the drawings of their ambitions they drew in during their childhood, and aimed hard to do business and finance for the dollars and cents. So many marriages are on the rocks, with divorce rate rocketing off the roof, few in the world now belives in eternal love.

I am not immuned to all these. So many are the times when I feel lousy and inferior compared with others. I struggle with insecurity, and lived with my heart all hardden-up, dead and unable to love... even to the extent I withdraw from people and choose to stay within the comfort of my home.... But there is definitely a better way. STOP CONDEMNING YOURSELF. STEP OUT TO LOVE. Shower care for people... It gonna take effort and practise... It may be painful... But thats life.

I love the words of my A level biology teacher... "Only dead people has no problems..."

So.. make someone's day, and he will make yours ;)

this 3-month break is really too long and unbearable.

2009-07-06T22:39:00.003+08:00

ok, call me a weirdo or whatever you want. But i really hate long breaks like this... let me see... what i've done this holiday...

1. watch more movies than the number of movies i've watched the last 3 years added up
2. tutored some nice kids for 'o' level physics
3. hit the gym again after a 6 months break (my gym partner is recovering from a broken wrist)
4. met up with different group frens on and off to catch up with them after a busy semester
5. 'chup-in' the school's freshmen orientation camp, acted in 'fright nite' production of the camp
6. slept late... wake up late....
7. celebrated my 23 birthday with loved ones and frens

..... this looks damn depressing. like walking aimlessly in a valley.

I need to start living for my dreams.. and start soaring for the sky!!

Defining: Love

2009-07-04T15:05:00.001+08:00

I must have heard a few dozens of definitios and sayings concerning love. But i think the bible gives the best definition, in my opinion ;D

1 Corinthians 13 (New Living Translation)

1 Corinthians 13
Love Is the Greatest
1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.

11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

Validation

2009-07-01T14:02:00.011+08:00

Recently, I read a pretty inspirational article from NewPaper (hmmm... ), which i hardly ever come close to reading - for the fact that I am not such a die-hard soccer fan or sports junkie. It surprised me at first that they do post some good stuff afterall, its from some local tabloid. OK, let's get it clear. This isn't some emo thing that you've been reading (as those in my previous blog entries), but something i think that's worth learning....

The article talks about the issue of self validation. In a nutshell, people are either internally or externally validated. Some quick defs:

Internally validated: People who look to themselves as the ultimate arbiter in value judgements.

Externally validated: People who primarily look externally for approvals and appraisals for their self-identity.

So like anyone, i did a quick mental assessment to see which camp i belonged to. Well sadly, I think i am the more frailed, latter.

The article went on to paint some scenarios to further illustrate the difference between the two traits..

"If you're internally validated, your evidence would from within yourself. Such a person culd design a building that wins many architectural awards but if he does not feel that it is special, all the outside approval wont't convince him it is". Sounds cocky? well, i say thats some character. But at least, an internally validated person stands for himself and not cry for approval from somewhere (be it from the top (if you are a God abidding soul ) or from your surrounding (if you too afraid to lose people around you for what you stand for).

So next comes the BIG Q, "What should I do to make yourself more internally validated?"

Well, it says, "You need to develope new patterns and ways of thinking. You have to break your old habits and trait yourself to have good habits. Being internally validated comes primarily from self confidence, which in turn comes from experience and reflection. If you've done something successfully for 10 or 20 years, you're probably self validated about that activity....So reflect hard and gain experience in these areas. Then monitor yoursel to see whether you are being needlessly swayed by your peers or whether you think and feel that way. Don't mindlessly follow or obey others. Be your own man."

oh, BTW...This actually comes from a dating section of Newpaper....the article below this one was, "How do I approach the hot girls in the clubs?". Shallow! hahhaa. so are you quite surprised at their wisom (or course, this comes after some of my careful censorship)...

Here I Am.

2009-06-17T16:47:00.001+08:00

this is a really beautiful song. makes me feel like the world can be better place.

二十三岁。。。

2009-06-15T22:15:00.007+08:00

小时候，每当过生日的时候心中总会带着期待，因为我知道身边的家人与朋友们都会带着祝福话语，礼物，以及把所有的目光投放在我身上。受宠的感觉真的很好。

光阴似箭，不知不觉地今年就是我的二十三岁生日了！今年如同往年，朋友们都很主动地和我一起庆祝生日。。。我感到非常感激。可是，在快乐的当儿，自己内心的深处却默默的希望时间能够放慢脚步。虽然又大了一岁，但我觉得我的人生体验太枯燥乏味了。有时真希望时间可以逗留在某一些时刻。但人逼近还是得长大，我又能如何呢。。。

渴望今年会是我人生的转捩点吧！往灿烂的人生道路奔驰！

Beautifully Imperfect

2009-06-02T22:24:00.004+08:00

"Beautifully imperfect" - these are the words that came to my mind today while I was on the train (leaving my mind to wonder about when i listened to my playlist). I remembered seeing these words the first time in a local paper, which featured couples who are not the typical 'Prince Charming and Snow Whites' in fairy tales... they were more like 'Beauty and the Beast' sort...haha

I figured such expressions are known as 'oxymorons', or a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms...How can (physical) beauty exist when (physical)imperfection exist? I guess the answer is simple when you look at their faces... it was because they have love. Love perfected their imperfections.

H1N1 arrives in SG...

2009-05-27T23:15:00.003+08:00

Although this is a serious matter.... there's a nice vid made by Mr. Brown and Co. to lighten the mood haha..

Here's their rendition of Wondergirls' - Nobody. Enjoy!

永恒的爱存在吗?

2009-05-27T00:58:00.003+08:00

我今天看了一部非常棒的爱情片.看完之后有了许多感想...

剧中有一句令我赞叹不已的话:

"如果爱上一个人,怎能不害怕分离? 而我们必须接受事实...人长大了,寂寞就是没有了爱.这种空虚不是朋友或家人能个取代的... 即使是短暂的爱过,也会刻骨铭心."

记得有人说过:"爱情犹如烟火". 烟火释放出的光芒, 璀璨夺目,照亮着人生中的黑暗. 但刹那间,也可能就消失了. 这样的爱值得追求吗?

I Just Want You

2009-05-25T01:29:00.003+08:00

I Just Want You - Planetshakers

More than a nice melody,
More than the sweetest of words,
This is love i have found,
and with this love i am found.

I just want you Jesus, i just want you my Lord,
I just want you Jesus, i just want You.

Never could i comprehend,
The love you so freely give,
Never could i be with you,
But you love covers all of my sin.

I just want you Jesus,
I just want you my Lord,
I just want you Jesus i just want You.

There is no greater love than Your's,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if i search all the world i will never find a love like your's, God.

There is no greater love than Your's,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if i search all the world i will never find a love like your's.

I just want you Jesus,
I just want you my Lord,
I just want you Jesus,
I just want You,
Jesus

感恩的心

2009-05-22T22:50:00.006+08:00

上个学期的考试今天终于放榜了。说实话，我对这次的成绩放榜并不期待-因为我总是觉得这次的表现并不理想。虽然说，我在这个学期所付出的努力好比上的学期多了许多，但却觉得自己似乎在课业上领悟得不多。

虽然说不在意，不知怎么的，今天十一点五十九分，我便守在电脑旁了。在领取成绩的那一刹那，我感觉到了瞬间的安慰-这应该是因为觉到了所得的成绩虽然比预期的好。但奇怪的是，这瞬间的安慰转眼间演变成了一种苦涩的失落-因为这次的表现和上个学期相比可算是差强人意。。。这种感觉究竟是因为我的要求太高？还是，这只是人性自古以来都甩不掉的“贪念”呢？我真的搞不太懂！

今天乘闲着没事干的时候，我无意中来到了网络的上的一个部落格。作者在部落格里抒写了一些不如意的经历。但是，令我惊讶的是，她竟然在这种情况下还能保持着乐观、积极、感恩的态度。而我生在的处境，比她好许多，却为一点小事搞得不愉快。嗨。。。我该知足了！

Cherish

2009-05-21T18:30:00.005+08:00

I read something i really liked on facebook. Thought i should leave it here to share, and to remember. Here it goes:

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.She told her boyfriend,"If I could only see the world,I will marry you."

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her
boyfriend.

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'
The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying:
"Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine."

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on
your face and think: you're alive and still around.

《多于》

2009-05-16T13:40:00.007+08:00

最近我发现自己嘴边总是哼着杨宗纬在《沉睡的青春》电影主题曲演唱的《多余》。不知为什么，或是词曲所表达出的伤感，这首歌令我听得我非常陶醉。我看这就是音乐无穷的魅力吧！它就好一位好好医生，能够治疗我们心灵上的伤口。

多余 - 杨宗纬

The Ferns and Bamboo Story: my perspective.

2009-05-11T12:54:00.009+08:00

I am sitting my room, idling again. Looks like I am back again in this cave, finally. This is where I like to ponder about life's issues, with my favourite playlist playing.

Away from the heaps of homework and readings during the academic semesters, life's suddenly tranquil and slow-moving, with a hint of laziness. Aimless it may seem, but I guess I can afford that. I need a break. The thought of going back to another round of paper-chasing's unthinkable now.

I was told of a story lately, about a man who was probably in the darkest hour of his life. Soaking in his despair, he contemplated to end his life. But I guess fate found him to be in a forest bursting with vegetative life. Striving on the forest floor were ferns, with bamboo sparsely distributed among them. Then, a Voice questioned that man,

" What is the difference between the bamboo and the ferns?"

As if the question was rhetorical, the voice answered,

"The ferns are short, but grow and reproduce rapidly, spreading across the forest floor like wildfire. The bamboo tress are tall and majestic, soaring up the sky towards the warmth of the sunlight. But tall as it may seem, it's roots runs deep into the ground. It takes a long time for its roots to grow far and deep into the soil, before it is ready to grow upwards into the sky."

I find this story very analogous to our lives. Very often, especially during transitional stages of life, we find ourselves trapped in the valleys of life. Or we find our lives on a plateau, wondering when we can scale greater heights. I guess these are the times when when our 'roots' are growing deeper into the ground to prepare us for the growth that will soon come - if we do not lose hope.

突发奇想。。。

2009-05-09T13:52:00.003+08:00

我们都是宇宙中的小小星辰，一颗星一定会绕着另一颗星转动。
没有一颗星应该是独自旋转的。

没有人应该是孤独的。而我们生命中那段盛夏，已经在光年之外，化作永恒。

sorry blog

2008-12-29T18:24:00.002+08:00

i have been so busy (playing) lately that i havent posted anything since the hols started. haha. i guess that reflects how good life has been. too much fun to list one by one, but i did all the catching up with friends and relatives which i have missed up in the midst of the mugging madness in school.

time passed so swiftly when you're getting all the fun and we are saying goodbye t0 2008! so better finish up what you promised to do in 2008 within the next 2 days before writing new resolutions for 2009!

=)

exams are over!

2008-11-29T17:46:00.002+08:00

haha! no more papers.... feel's like the sky is brighter and air much fresher since i work up that morning day after my last paper!

i tot we (as in my NTU frens and me) we quick to catch up on lost time. the first thing we did was to dig in really deep! haha. i tot i lost 3 kg after the exams.. looks like its time for some muscular hypertrophy and fatty acid synthesis now.... anw, we had a great time at Yuki and Yaki at Marina Square. there was a tv crew filming 永远吃不肥 there while we were eating, i tot the restaurant offered much better food that day given an opportunity to publicise their store..... i think we spent 4 hours at the restaurant... including a crazy time concocting weird tasting durian flavored ice cream...YUCK!

the next day was shopping at orchard... everywhere's on sale... so many nice things at good price but so little sizes.....i need to buff up!

lacklustre.

2008-11-01T23:12:00.005+08:00

I've been feeling abit tired lately... life's just study and study again. but thankfully i found quite a few studying kahkees (is this spelled correctly? or issit english in the first place?). Have been mugging till late in sch lately.... missing all the homecook food, when all i can settle for is mac and subway for dinner....

mugging aside.... a just had this bomb droppped on me on fri's cell group.... I will be transferred to W238. feels abit like a big detour, having to start off at W238, den to E435 and now back again. I guess it probably wont be the same W238 3years back den, neither am i the person i was 3 years ago... gosh there's so much uncertainty. feels like a plant uprotted from its comfy spot, and re-potted in totally new soil. well, i guess changes are for good. so its time for change.

Angeline and Li Chuan's wedding!

2008-10-23T21:40:00.007+08:00

the cell group and subzone was invited to Angeline's wedding last saturday! i felt the whole event was magical. The ambience was so romantic, and beautiful... quite a magical day for the couple, when we witness their love. Pastor also shared an interesting msg....haha... with a good amount of humor injected into his preaching....

Wishing you an eternal maritial bliss!

a breather at last

2008-10-03T22:54:00.002+08:00

last 2 weeks have almost been like 'hell week' for me... not that i need to push physical limits like shit naval divers endure, but something every uni student knows best.... MID-TERMS. well, i love to learn... but i HATE exams... the 2 weeks of mugging day and night to the wee hours really robbed me of so many things... had no time to rest... and the worst of all... no satisfaction despite all the work-input.

I guess thats becos my efficiency lately is very much lower than 100 percent.... thats due to high entropy of any irreversible process, where Delta S >>0, when we operate too far from desired equilibrium position. Work(required)>>Work(ideal)..... alrite... just some stuff from my thermodynamics modules... sorry if you are not a thermo maniac... ;)

well.. the point is.... sometimes competition and stress puts you in a state where we simply loose the joy for persuit of knowledge... we do for the sake of doing, not for the enjoyment of learning. in other words, try eating your favourite food everyday for every meal for 2 weeks... and you will find that it will soon become a pain in your ***!

babylon A.D. (Absolutely.Disgusting.)

2008-09-20T18:26:00.004+08:00

went to watch Babylon A.D today. haha its my first movie every since the start of the semester! .... gosh the movie is a complete waste of my ten bucks. horrible plot (oh wait, is there even a plot?)... the fight scenes was appalling! haha, wad can i say, NVM!

i went on wikipedia to look for the film's poster and saw tis by accident..

"Director Mathieu Kassovitz was very unhappy with the distributors, 20th Century Fox, producers and other partners. He described the film as "pure violence and stupidity" and stated that "parts of the movie are like a bad episode of 24." [17]

As of September 13, 2008, Rotten Tomatoes records a 6% positive rating,[18] while Metacritic compiles a 26% rating based on 15 reviews.[19]

Box Office Mojo ranked the movie 8th on its list of top US Labor Day opening weekends (based on revenue), 2 positions ahead of Traitor, which opened the same Labor Day weekend. IMDB reports box office receipts of 11.5 Million $US for the movie's 1st weekend. Opening in 2nd place behind Tropic Thunder, Babylon A.D. was the top opener for this year's traditionally weak US Labor Day weekend."

Taken from www.wikipedia.org

term break finally coming!

2008-09-18T23:17:00.004+08:00

I'm listening to this really beautiful song while i am typing this....hope you will like it too!

Term break is finally coming... time to let my intel/AMD chip do some cooling, before overclocking it again in two weeks time... really look forward to some fun during the break....... seems like my schoolmates have already start planning.... oh ya.. of course need to go out more with my churchies.. =)

munch munch at Kuishin-Bo!

2008-09-11T22:14:00.006+08:00

>... went to kushin-bo with jialiang today to celebrate his belated birthday.... the food was Oishi.... here are some pics!

*i dunno wads wrong with blogspot.... it messed up my order of pics....

earl grey and fluid mechanics

2008-09-09T21:39:00.002+08:00

i guess i've finally decided to do a post.. looks like i've been away for a least a week....

well... life is......just so busy.......so many things to do.....so many things to think about... so many assignments...... and all i wish for now is a nice.........

B R E A K

....i have been so busy lately, i rarely find time to talk to people around me... in and out of lecture theatres... packed bus stops....crowded canteens....among my frens...yet among the sea of faces, i feel so alone....

i guess theres just too much to do... all i have in my mind was concepts, equations and assignments....

i need to change this.... hard work and happiness are not mutually exclusive. i can strive to live each day with joy.... His joy.

alrite.. i better finish my work....over a cup of earl grey.

just some reflections

2008-08-27T21:13:00.005+08:00

the feeling of disappoinment really sucks. now i probably understand why atheletes cry when they don't get their gold medal in the olympics. the road to the olympics must be a lonely and arduous one. imagine the life of training hard, while all your friends are enjoying life - the olympic dream is not just a physical war, but a mental and psychological one.

what could have ben in the minds of the koreans paddlers when they were beaten by the singaporean gals, who won Singapore our very first medal after 48 years? i think it should be thoughts like "my efforts have gone down the drain", " i am not as good afterall", "my world fell apart"... afterall, their fall isnt light ....afterall, they might not have another chance...

there are always times when situations seem bleak and hopeless, and we feel like giving in to the temptation to just give up... yet another voice, small but strong whispers... "Is there not a cause?"

well, theres always a time for to cry and to be disappointed. but what's important, its to pick yourself out of the situation, and start afresh. forget about the defeats in the past, ignore whatever that seems impossible in the future. just do all you can for the present. And remember, it's not for medals, not for recognition, but for PASSION.

bee-zee busy

2008-08-22T18:43:00.003+08:00

3rd week into the semester...Seems like everyone is showing signs of stress liaoz haha.. rushing lab reports, completing computing assignments, tutorials, reading.. and the list goes on and on. gosh, this is just the 3rd week!! TGIF! what else can i say. life's getting tougher in sch, but the tough gets goin!

well, on the bright side, i managed to finish all my assignments on time, found time to gym with Damien (well.. i still remember my 70kg goal)... but on the 'not-so-bright' note, i missed out on all the morning prayer meetings this week. somehow i just couldnt find the motivation to wake up earlier to pray... i'm not feeling guilty for not doing so, but deep down, i knew things could have been better if i prayed... but i still chose to do it on my own strength. sometimes, logic tells me "hey, sleeping less = lower productivity... that's certainly not very spirit-filled living rite? where did faith go? sometimes i find it so hard to depend on God... maybe wad pastor Tan said in church is rite. when the branch gets separated from the vine, it wouldnt die immediately due to the residual life it gets from the vine. but withering is only a matter of time.... that reminds me of...

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me." John 15:4

阿爸父神...

2008-08-18T14:35:00.004+08:00

Had a totally busy weekend... but didn't really accomplish much. *sads* I guess I really need a greater measure of discipline and focus.

The lyrics of this beautiful song written for the Father.

阿爸父神

我何等愛你阿爸天父
你無條件為我付出
犧牲愛子叫我得贖
你愛充滿我

主你寶血為我而流
洗淨我罪給我自由
你的愛是何等偉大
喔主耶穌

一生要讚美
我美好救主
你的愛是我生命全部
一生要敬拜
我親愛天父
你無條件的愛讓我心得滿足

screwing up.. again

2008-08-13T22:12:00.003+08:00

well. i guess life's never a bed of roses... somethings we really screw up. Maybe i should say, we choose to screw up (...dun ask me what). maybe thats why we really need God. since He is the one who gives us grace to get back on track again.

sometimes its not the fact that we screw up that defeats us, but the shame and guilt u have of yourself when you screw up that paralyse us.

It is written,

"Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but one who was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." Heb 4:14-16

"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." Romans 8:1

God, change me today. Strengthen my spirit.

wohoo...wohoo

2008-08-11T00:02:00.004+08:00

haha... wohoo again.. i am so thrilled! things seems to be looking good... haha. i was expecting nothing when i checked my NTU email today. And GUESS WAD! i got an invite from URECA! anwayz, URECA stands for Undergraduate Research Experience on CAmpus...tis was really wad i wanted since sch started, to get a taste of hows research's like.... now that i got a chance to pursue it... wow! really thank God for His blessing!

other than that, i spent our 43rd national day with my cell group at our leader's place at aljunied... had quite a lot of fun eating potluck after the meeting... although food's abit cold (haha sorry, i am fussy), but it was still enjoyable.... especially playing with Howard's camera haha (cos i forgot to bring mine) =P

first week

2008-08-09T00:40:00.002+08:00

just came home from dinner with my my frens from at Ichiban Sushi, Jurong Point. The food was palatable, but certainly not worth it's cost though...

I dug a really deep hole in my pocket this week... bought four textbks for this semester at ard $180.. ouch. But i guess its definitely gonna be worth every cent. This sem will be more consistent and better.. haha cos there's no arts/business module for me! all sciences/engineering subjects to mug for! ;)

Talking about dificult engineering subjects with abstract concepts, I often share a different view point with some of my frens. They must think I am a maniac for enjoying subjects like thermodynamics, organic chemistry (not the simple o level organic chem haha)... Well, i guess its the amount of time i spend pondering about them... always trying ways to rationalise concepts from the start to lay foundation for more difficult things. In doing so, I start to develop passion in studying these 'unlikables', because I start to understand them and see their usefulness.

Wonder if this is the same with people... there are always people we label 'unlikeable'. Will i start to love them better if i spend more time understanding them?

wohoo i got MS2006

2008-08-05T13:01:00.002+08:00

haha.. i was abit worried i couldnt get the module i wanted... afterall, there is only one time slot out of the 5 that can fit into my current schedule. but i got it thankfully.. which means i got all the electives i wanted! wohoo... =)

Festival of Praise

2008-08-04T01:12:00.002+08:00

*pls excuse me of my language... i am typing this at 1.30am with a lecture to attend tmr mornin.*

Just attended sat and sun sessions of FOP, i tot it was good. This yr's highlights were the Hillsong band led by Reuben Morgan, and the Parachute Band. Learnt some really nice worship songs that i can use.... hopeful i can become more diligent with my quiet time... I really need to change for the better.

Sun's session was more memorable. The cell group went to ice-skate at kallang leisure park before service stars. gosh i really cant skate! i felt totally helpless..really helpless. can't believe that kids can skate better than me. a young gal (around the height of my waist) looked at me with that o-my-god-you-cant-skate look, and i really felt like digging a hole in the ice and die. haha

well, thanks to the CG and howard, they encourage me to go 1 round the skating ring. well i may not have gained much in my skating capabilities during the 2 hrs, but i certainly set me thinking and reflective abt my life. sometimes, to achieve something, we must be dare to be different. just like me hanging around the edge of the ring, sticking to your comfort zone can give you the assurance of safety, but it really bring you no where. stepping out into the open gives you the risk of falling and injuries, we really must learn to fall and pick ourselves up to learn something in life. stay in safety, and we may stay the same forever.

will share the photos another day haha. nite!

Sch reopens in 2 days

2008-08-01T22:57:00.004+08:00

whoa, 3 months of vacation is gonna end so soon... got my courses registered and ready for the new sem! i think its gonna be quite a busy sem ahead with so many modules.

I will be doing:

1. Fluid Systems (4AU)

2. Biomolecular Engineering II (3AU)

3. Computational methods in Chemical Engineering (3AU)

4. Chemical Thermodynamics (3AU)

5. Lab 3 (2AU)

6. Genes 'r' Us (3AU)

7. Thermodynamics and Kinetics of Materials (most likely)

... gosh looks tough, but I hope I can pull it through =)

My timetable....

Healer

2008-07-31T23:12:00.006+08:00

The is a truly a beautiful song written by someone from Hillsong church Australia, who is currently battling cancer. I was immensely moved by his faith and his perserverence for healing from God. He really reminded me of the woman with the issue of blood from the scriptures, where her faith and persistence to touch Jesus healed her of her disease.

So often in our circumstances, we magnify our problems because we choose to focus on it. We feel there's no way out. No way. And we forget, there is a God bigger than our problems, One who is the God of the impossible.

Live on Mike!

Here's the lyrics of the song:

Healer by Hillsong Church

You hold my every moment

You calm my raging seas

You walk with me through fire

And heal all my disease

I trust in You

I believe You’re my Healer

I believe You are all I need

I believe You’re my Portion

I believe You’re more than enough for me

Jesus You’re all I need

My Healer, You’re my Healer

Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible

Nothing is impossible for You

You hold my world in Your hands

Mike's Story on youtube:

yo

2008-07-25T00:28:00.005+08:00

yoz, time for some updates... i have been fixing my pc and lappie all these while. took me 2 days to finish! just signed up for facebook and was playing ard with it.. i know.. i am lagging haha... but its really nice to get a glimpse of the lives of those i dun have time to be part of now....

hhaa.. i am really distracted by my MSN.. i guess i cant really blog today.. shall leave it here. nitez!

tide of change

2008-07-21T02:31:00.002+08:00

today's been tiring, but GREAT! Had a great sunday service in expo which was really remarkable, I really thought I heard something that was gonna change my life... Thank God, I guess You're still the best. There are many times when I feel so oppressed that I had a hard time accepting myself for who I am, overwhelmed by shame and guilt, yet You always show up with your mercy and grace, unfailing love.

anw, today's my first official outing with my NEW cell group. Went to town hoping to shop before GSS ends, we ended up playing Dance Dance Revelution, sipping fruppichinno... wasn't really evenful, but I am really looking forward to next week. We're going to ESCAPE! theme park!

well, its really late now, hitting the bed... need to go gym tmr.

guardian angel

2008-07-18T01:06:00.003+08:00

just came back from NUS chem engin's bash at DXO. the people there really partied! the drinks were quite affordable compared to other clubs i heard... but i end up only have 2 drinks haha.. maybe cos i couldnt quite sink into the fun since there were so many unfamiliar faces... or maybe my good friends were all dancing with their ladies. so i inevitably felt kinda left out... i saw aJaya my jc classmate, and eng shing (army fren) there too...

perhaps i am emo-ing now, haha but i guess humans are really not made to be single. frens and family are really important to me... but there must be something more... someone like a 'guardian angel' (like how johnny puts it). someone to bring warm in the coldest nights, to share all your joys with, someone you try your best to love and sacrifice for. perhaps.

happie b'day MAG!

2008-07-15T23:48:00.007+08:00

haha... someone turns 20 today! first time having a '2' infront of your age! aniwae mag, really hope you enjoyed your birthday. here's some shots we took while shopping for mag's present (and for alfred's and hong ming's too).

u need bigger lenses if you are mayopic

joseph, holding one of the choice of gifts

the gals... oh i think estelled pang sei us!

alfred's cap. kinda cool eh? but it's PINK
gals choosing cute hamburger boxers for the guys, lmao

tu tu tarik 1 2!

2008-07-09T22:18:00.019+08:00

i guess this must be the highlight of the vacation.... NueVe 2008! Its a 5day 4night camp organised by the student body in my school to orientate all our beloved freshies to NTU... loss of words to describe how fun it was.... for the freshies... and even more, to the seniors. i shall let the pix do the talking!

slippery slopes...

funkie??

with flour this thick, i cant make out who are the victims...

i think that's zihao doing a face dunk

off to the torture champ!
owned

the fake freshie doing some last min touch up!

minghui the cute pikachu ghost haha

makan at Botak Jones, clementi

oh btw, tu tu tarik 1 2! is a NTU cheer much like those 'bombing' cheers... the full cheer for your amusment:

Kanza! Tu tu tarik 1 2!

Oh Oh yi-lei supper-lei

Gucchi Beh Beh Gucchi Beh

Gucchi Beh Beh Supper-lei

Sa Sa Sa Sa Sa Sa Sa Sa

KANZA!

Annyong Haseyo!

2008-07-08T23:15:00.005+08:00

Time really flies, can't believe that 2 month's flown by since vacation started... i really havent done much since.... i am feeling kinda 'constipated' now... that i have so many things that i wished i have taken timeto blog abt along the way.. well I shall share with you guys soon....

i have started learning bits and pieces of korean... wanted to take it up in sch, but was worried that it will be kinda hard to score. so came birthday, and i received a korean language kit from jialiang... thanks bro! so i've been been learning abt the korean characters and phonetics... kinda different from chinese and english... so its quite tough. I really hope to complete to the book before school starts....

"quote quote"

2008-06-01T23:04:00.000+08:00

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.” — Calvin Coolidge, The 30th US President[1923-1929]

DOTA...

2008-05-22T23:10:00.003+08:00

i've been playing quite alot of DOTA (which stands for Defense of The Ancients) lately. haha... some skeptics out there must be thinking - "Joel leh... play alot? alot is how much!" To quantify that, how about 3 hours daily?!

I am quite amazed at myself to have the slightest hint of affection towards computer games, considering that my favourite past time is to nag at my game-holic brothers. It must have been the exposure I am getting recently (or more specifically, during the post-exam break). In a short span of a week, I had to join some of my friends at 2 LAN games... First it was with my Cell Group friends, followed by my army friends... I was really a 'noob' when I played with my army friends... they are really good and guided me alot in the game. One of them happened to be a medical doctor... haha cool right? So, that was the spark that needed get the fire going.

For many, DOTA could be an outdated game (or so I heard). But i guess its main attraction for me was reliance on team-effort vanquish the opposing team... its kinda thrilling.. so if you the itch someday, remember to jio ok! ;)

Post exam fun!

2008-05-16T22:48:00.005+08:00

We had 5h ktv session and crabby dinner after our last paper for semester 2... Here's some pic!

summarising academic year 07/08!

2008-05-16T22:09:00.002+08:00

hi! I am back at last. Finally deciding to deal with my idling. How should I start?

Well, for those who don't already know, I have enrolled for a 4-year Chemical Engineering programme at NTU - which accounts for my disappearance from my secret cave for the whole year haha.

Life at NTU has been very hectic from the start. A typical workday begins at 9.30am - 4.30pm, punctatated with a few hours of breaks. Afterhours are mostly used to prepare for tutorials and reports for the 6-7 modules I am assigned in each semester. Thankfully, I am not going through all these alone...

I signed up for a Freshman Orientation Camp organised by student body in the faculty which attached me a group of 15 innoncent looking strangers, which we call Kanzarians (name of the orientation group) But after the 5 days of fun-filled and 'dirt-filled' events, we emerged as friends. Friends that go through the good times (like post exams gathering), bad times (mugging together before the exams)...

The story can go on and on..... but I can only say, life's busy, life's tough, but life's enriching becos I've learnt, and life's fulling because of friends around me. =)

time to revive this blog!

2008-01-16T11:25:00.000+08:00

hey peepz, i think its time to revive this desolated space again... Watch out for what's coming your way!

joel

Because of Love...

2007-04-06T12:21:00.000+08:00

Isaiah 53:3-5

He is despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.

Against the Light

2007-03-31T13:17:00.000+08:00

The long awaited 8th album from Singapore's most successful music export finally hits the shelves! Her first album with Capitol is named "Against the Light". This album mirrors the success of her 2nd release, My Desired Happiness - taking us on her musical story which begins and ends with instrumental pieces. But unlike the 2nd, her latest work reveals a hint nostalgia and a bitter after taste of fallen love. These are reflected a series of tears jerking ballads "我怀念的", "需要你". The only punctuation to these sad tunes, are 2 upbeat numbers that are alittle playful: "咕叽咕叽" and "爱情的花样". Being a ballad lover, this album deserves a 3.5 stars from me!

just for laughs

2007-03-20T21:49:00.000+08:00

I got this from a friend from a chain mail.... really quite lame.

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10. Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So? >
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8. And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes, Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: " Singapore , Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."

A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up. "Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher. "'Unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."

Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."

A boy came home from school with his exam results. "What did u get?" asked his father. "My marks are under water," said the boy. "What do u mean 'under water'?" "They are all below 'C' level"

Muddied hands

2007-03-15T17:35:00.000+08:00

Who has not erred? We are but carnal flesh trapped in a vicious cycle of wrongdoings and mistakes. So, that makes erring our nature, isn't it? What more when we live in a world full of temptations.

As a student, I have always been told, "all failure is a stepping stone towards success." As a tutor/teacher, I remember telling my students not to be afraid of making mistakes, but be daring to learn from them. But do we always apply what we learnt or practise what we preach? I guess not. Because there seem to be easier options around - running away. Who wants to go through the discomfort, pain, embarassment to face a problem in life?

But denial, escapism are very much like the asprins to our daily problems. They don't solve our problems, they merely alleviate our discomfort - at a price. Many find themselves falling into a bottomless pit or sliding down a slippery slope when they put no effort to fight and do what's right.

Maybe we are just lazy to change our habits or rectify a problem. Or we are powerless to control a problem too big. But there's always a way, when we choose to do what's right. It may not be an easy way out, but I know help is already on its way when we choose to fight.

A wise person once said, "it's inevitable to get slimed and dirtied, but it's important that you get yourselves cleaned up."

2 months...after my last entry

2007-03-13T18:03:00.000+08:00

2 months of absence in blogsphere may feel like an eternity... yet when I look at life, our life time on earth of 80 years seemed so transient in comparison. To me life is like fireworks, it is so beautiful, it brings smiles to those that see it, yet it fizzles out as soon as it starts.

This what some say about life...

"We cannot truly face life until we face the fact that it will be taken away from us."

"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them."

"... asks what it’s too late to ask: 'Where is my life? Where is my life? What have I done with my life?' "

"Life is painting a picture, not doing a sum. "

"Growth is the only evidence of life. "

"Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways."

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

"We are always getting ready to live but never living."

"I've come to give life, and life more abundantly" - Jesus Christ

So....Cherish life, live life!

Joel's musings: Making choices...

2007-01-14T22:12:00.000+08:00

We make choices everyday in our lives. Very often, choices are made out of convenience, confidence, instinct, our measured ability to handle an issue, etc. Choices made based on the above mentioned may yield visible benefits in times of iminent crises. But are they the best choices? Do they always bring out the best of our potential?

“Proactiveness is one’s ability and desire to thrive outside their comfort zone in
times of uncertainty and challenge.”

This Year I Will.....

2007-01-03T15:15:00.000+08:00

1. Be wiser in my spendings + Save more!
2. Help out more at home.... Less slacking!
3. Get my driver's license.
4. Learn how to cook.
5. Revise relevant A levels work before Uni
6. Train hard!
7. Earn more $$$ !!!

BBQ with colleagues at Shiva's bungalow!

2007-01-01T19:49:00.000+08:00

We had a big bbq gathering on 18th Dec at Shiva's place... including our boss and the return of many ORD personnel. All to celebrate our USMS king, Khairi, 21st birthday... It was a fun-filled day with great food from CMPB's very own chefs. Here are some of pictures:

.... all SQUINTING! Chao Geng!

.... nice food, but who's cooking?

... Dr Kumar the COOK and Bahari

...Dr Kurma the CONVICT and Shawn fooling around with Shiva's sharp toys

... Dr Kumar Copperfield conjuring his birthday cat out of thin air

ha! so that's where those ears came from... Shiva's gf's tall!

... I wish I wish

... Damien and me after a few drinks

... hmmm, what are they doing?

Some fotos before we part....

CMPB D&D 2006

2006-12-10T13:06:00.000+08:00

Just attended CMPB's annual Dinner and Dance at Amara Hotel on 24 NOV. Here are some kodak moments...

.... closer friends at the workplace

... Joel Tan rushing into the picture

.... was told to join in this pic on my to the toilet

.... the whole family for '06.

Work work....

2006-11-18T12:11:00.000+08:00

My seven-week break finally came to an end this thursday.... so it's back to work at CMPB. Felt like I'm dragging my feet there that morning.... I was so sleepy after getting used to sleeping until 9 everyday.

It had been a good week, but a hectic one as usual. On my return, I was greeted with lotsa welcome and warming smiles from my colleagues, and of course, much scrutiny on my left eye.

So it's 4 more weeks and counting... to ORD!

Anointed = 'Always right'?

2006-11-12T13:26:00.000+08:00

Found this article from Yahoo...

`Superstar' pastors pose challenge
By RACHEL ZOLL, AP Religion Writer

Pastor Ted's influence was felt everywhere in New Life Church: in the videos shown at worship; in the New Life bookstore, which stocked books he recommended; and in the story of the church itself. He started New Life in his basement, building it into a 14,000-member nationally known megachurch. As the Rev. Ted Haggard's fortunes rose, so did the church's.

So when Haggard fell spectacularly from grace in a scandal involving drugs and allegations of gay sex, many wondered if New Life, so tied to his public persona, would crash with him.

The answer has significance far beyond the Haggard tragedy. As evangelical megachurches have sprung up around the country, concerns have grown over whether superstar pastors help or hurt faith communities.

"When you get to these top 25 or 50 of the largest or most influential churches, these pastors are clearly celebrities. They were the founders, they created much of the growth and they are, in some sense, a brand in and of themselves," said Scott Thumma, a professor at Hartford Seminary in Connecticut, who specializes in studying megachurches. "It's just like a business where the name of the founder is, in fact, a trademark."

America has always had big-name preachers — from Billy Sunday, the pro baseball player-turned-evangelist, to Billy Graham. But the two were not closely tied to a single church. Among today's best-known pastors, Rick Warren has Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, Calif., Joel Osteen has Lakewood Church in Houston and Bishop T.D. Jakes has The Potter's House in Dallas.

Graham and Sunday also worked in a vastly different media environment. Modern-day celebrity pastors have Web sites, where they promote their books, along with the DVDs, TV shows and films they produce, while preaching internationally. With such high profiles, word of any wrongdoing will spread quickly, intensifying the damage to them and their congregations.

Haggard felt the impact firsthand last week. On Nov. 2, Mike Jones of Denver came forward saying he had drug-fueled homosexual trysts regularly with Haggard over the last few years.

The claims spread through the Internet, where they were placed side-by-side with video and past news articles in which Haggard had condemned gay marriage and had presented his family life, with wife Gayle and their five children, as a model.

Haggard, 50, immediately resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, an umbrella group for about 45,000 conservative churches, and within days was fired by New Life in Colorado Springs, Colo. In a letter read Sunday at New Life services, he did not address the specifics of Jones' claims, but confessed he was guilty of "sexual immorality."

New Life's reaction was swift — yet most megachurches don't have such effective oversight. Many have boards stacked with relatives, friends, personal lawyers and hangers-on who wouldn't dare contradict the pastor, said Bill Martin, a Rice University expert on evangelicals.

Nearly all megachurches are independent from a denomination — an asset for their flexibility, but a liability when it comes to checks on power. By contrast, mainline Protestant denominations vet clergy credentials and have elaborate systems of church tribunals, similar to civil courts, that discipline errant ministers.

"The pitfall with the megachurches, the personality driven churches, is it's so easy for a person to consider him- or herself above accountability," Martin said. "If that accountability is absent or reduced, then trouble is on the way."

Some megachurch pastors are aware of the risk. They allow independent audits of their finances and have elaborate rules meant to minimize any chance of sex scandal. For example, some only allow male staff members to counsel women if someone else is in the room or if the door is open. And in a highly unusual practice for pastors, Warren, who has sold millions of copies of his book "The Purpose Driven Life," gives 90 percent of his income to the church.

"Money is a difficult issue with megachurch pastors," Thumma said. "They're accused all the time of fleecing their flocks and using that money to buy fancy cars and homes when their members have less."

With Haggard gone and the crisis he created easing, New Life members face a different challenge: They must decide whether they wish to belong to a church without the charismatic leader.

Nancy Ammerman, a Boston University sociologist who researches congregational life, said the megachurch might be saved by its extensive programs that create social groups within the church. New Life uses the small group model, where churchgoers meet regularly with just a few others, sometimes based on common interests outside of worship.

"That also gives them a forum within which to deal with what happened," Ammerman said.

But Randall Balmer, a Barnard College historian of American religion, said megachurches are so wrapped up with their pastor that New Life inevitably has hard times ahead. Without any creed or denominational identity for the church to cling to, attendance will eventually drop by half or more, he predicted.

"You have a kind of cult of personality that confuses the faith with a particular individual," said Balmer, author of "Thy Kingdom Come: How the Religious Right Distorts the Faith and Threatens America." "I just think it's very difficult to recover from this sort of thing."

.... My point of view: I guess we can't really say that the religlious leaders we respect today will stand by what they preach tomorrow. Humans are fallible creatures aren't we? So who or what do we look to when we question the reason for our existence? - Scriptures that are penned in the hands of man? Or the claims of divine encounters from the tongues of man?

But so long as life goes on, the search for indivivual enlightenment and fulfilment continues...

Perseverence

2006-11-10T22:02:00.000+08:00

This is for all who need a little push, and all taking their Os and As....

The Story of 2 Frogs

Two young frogs fell into a bucket of milk. Both tried to jump to freedom, but the sides of the bucket were steep and no foundation was to be had on the surface of the liquid.

Seeing little chance of escape, the first frog soon despaired and stopped jumping. After a short while he sunk to the bottom of the bucket and drowned.

The second frog also saw no likelihood of success, but he never stopped trying. Even though each jump seemed to reach the same inadequate height, he kept on struggling. Eventually, his persistent efforts churned some milk into butter. From the now hardened surface of the milk, he managed to leap out of the bucket.

The moral of this little inspiring story: Those who don't give up and persevere may be in for a pleasant surprise!

"National Slavery"?

2006-11-10T20:34:00.000+08:00

Hi ppl... I know, it's been a while since I last posted something. Must have been four weeks? OK, I'll try to be more prolific, I promise.

Alright, you might wonder what's with the title... Well, I was on a bus ride home after a photo shoot at CMPB today. (No, I am not modelling haha... perhaps maybe until I achieve something admirable in my gym routine?) The photo session was to commemorate the service of those who gave up 2 precious years to serve the nation...(for my case, I literally 'served' in the service line).

For many, 2 years is indeed a heavy price to pay to keep our pink IC - my sentiments too. A friend even coined the term "National Slavery" for NS. I think I consider myself more fortunate then some. My vocation as a medic has exposed me a wealth of knowledge that I wouldn't have otherwise. In the little radiological department housed in CMPB, I got to learn the invaluable skills of taking X-rays and reading them; I've befriend many from varied backgrounds and visited their world so alien to my own; It's like a first-hand experience of what a future workplace is like - with all its disgreements, politics, teamwork.

Hey, so you might ask - "What about being a man?" So medics aren't 'man' enough? Hmm, I do agree that the definition of manhood and masculinity doesn't seem complete with adrogenic qualities such bulging muscles, superhuman endurance. But that's just the physical aspect. Well, sitting in an office from eight-five isn't gonna build the 6-packs... you might realised that the combination of the 6 to form a bulge after a while. OK, my point is, it's the holistic development of one's character that counts. Qualities such honesty, leadership, team-spirit, responsibilty, patriotism and discipline can also be nurtured in a setting outside a battle training field.

For me, my NS experience didn't really stop at CMPB. I spent time going out with my colleagues, gave tuitions, went to the gym faithfully. I guess how you make use for personal development during the 2-year term decides how 'man' you can be.

William Hung in-the-making?

2006-10-19T20:43:00.000+08:00

"Oh no! Sh*t!", I shouted in my head when I saw the message Alex sent me that morning. It was just the break of dawn. My eyes almost burst out of the sockets in disbelief. They wanted me to SING during the coming Annual CMPB Dinner and Dance, to be held at Amara Hotel.

Aiyoz..How am I going to do it? Er.. I tremble and stutter on stage (that's from my experience in secondary school when I had to narrate a class play on teacher's day concert) I don't have a fantastic singing voice (not like those lead singers in my secondary school choir), although I am not tone-deaf. The Commander, COs (commanding officers), Branch Heads, will all be present! What if I zao xia (hokkien for go off-pitch). Will I be teased if I do badly? All these were the concerns when the facts settled in... I don't think I have a choice, do I?

What can I sing? Mandarin or english? Which genre? What will suit my vocal range? How am I going to represent myself? Am I thinking too much? Should I just take it easy, and switch to a happy-go-lucky mood? No... I don't want to be CMPB's infamous William Hung...

Help! What song is good? Tag your thoughts people!

NEW Workout Plans

2006-10-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

The long MC that I am currently on is killing me! I have been grounded (even more so due to the escalating PSI figures) for 3 weeks so far. That means 3 more weeks more before I can stretch my limbs again...

Well, for those who don't really know. I have started to workout religiously for the past few months to gain some body mass. For the past 2 months I have been following a 4 day work-week weight training routine hoping to put on muscle mass. Things went pretty smoothly until I went for the Squint Surgery. I must say the trainings are tough and costly, considering the amout of time and money (such as gym entrance fees and nutritional supplements) I had to invest in to see gains.

Why did I start working out? There are 2 reasons - dissatifaction, and family/peer pressure. Technically, I belong to a group called Ectomorphs. There are 3 diffrent classifications - mesomorph (the muscular ones), endomorphs (fats ones), ectomorphs (skinny ones). Like me, some common traits of ectomorphs are: high metabolic rates, long limbs, small rib cage. Ectoomorphs have little inherent ability to build muscle and hardly store up fats, leading to skinny frames. My body mass index (BMI) was 16.0 (2.0 below the acceptable value) when I first started out - that classifies me under "poor physique" category. I needed a change man!

OK... I've drawn up a new lifitng plan which I thought I can post here....

Mondays and Thurdays

Machine Abdominal Crunches ( 3 Sets)
Obliques Crunches (2 Sets)
Tricep Extensions (3 Sets)
Reverse Barbell Curls (3 Sets)
Seated Cable Rows (Middle Back) (3 Sets)
Lats Pull Down (3 Sets)
Calf Press ( 3 Sets)

Tuesdays and Fridays

Flat Bench Press (3 Sets)
Inclined Bench Press (2 Sets)
10 Degrees Flys (2 Sets)
Seated Military Press with Smith Machine (4 Sets)
Upright Barbell Rows (3 Sets)
Barbell Curls (3 Sets)
Squats (3 Sets)
Deadlifts (3 Sets)
Leg Press (3 Sets)

If you are looking for bodybuilding resources, I recommend www.bodybuilding.com Hehe...hopefully no more skinny joel soon :)

Love Letters 101 (REJECTED)

2006-10-15T17:38:00.000+08:00

My Dear Love,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions. But if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.

My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Yours ever loving,
Pythagoras

The Pharmacist

2006-10-12T12:34:00.000+08:00

I was surfing the net at home, trying to kill some time when I stumbled upon this. Enjoy! =)

DSICLAIMER: READERS BELOW 18 ARE TO SEEK PARENTAL ADVISE BEFORE CONTINUING....

A girl asks her boyfriend, to come over to her place on friday night for a have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announced to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the counter, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or a family pack. I'm really going to give it to this girl, the boy tells the pharmacist. I intend to go for hours and hours. The pharmacist, with a laugh, suggests the family pack, saying the boy will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's house and met his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in," the girl ushered his boyfriend into the house. The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girls parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. 10 minutes passes and still there is no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, I had no idea you were this religious. The boy turns, and whispers back, I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.

Special thanks to www.killsometime.com

Going Under the Knife

2006-10-09T12:53:00.000+08:00

Hi (again) to all faithful readers of my humble little blog... haha. Okay, I am done with the final touch-up to the layout of the site. I hope you are satisfied as I am :P Pls leave your thoughts on the tag board ok?

For those who are not from my army unit (medical classification centre), I am actually on 6 weeks Medical Leave, post-surgery recovery for my left eye. That explains why I started this blog - cos it's certainly a time killer! I am bored to tears! ha... my eye looks much "straighter" now, so I don't think the word "squint" would be used together with "Joel" for a while from now (at least that's what my goofy but friendly surgeon said).

Well, being the avid science student you know I am, let me explain what happened to me. I have a condition known as congenital esotropia. That means I am born with my left eye globe misaligned, deviated inwards (see picture below). How does this arise? The muscle (there are 6 pairs of them around each eye globe if I haven't mistaken) on the inner side of the left eye is pulling the eye globe too far inwards. So docs at SNEC (Singapore National Eye Centre) recommended a Squint Surgery.

27th SEP was the day. On arrival, I was put through pre-op assessment where blood pressure and other readings were taken. The nurses helped change me into a blue colored clean gown and disposal underwear before I was brought to the operating theatre (OT, they call it) wearing slippers provided. The place was freezing and immaculately clean, with trailing smell of antiseptic. They put me on a bed in the middle of an array of medical equipments (looks somewhat similar to those in the show ER). The nurses hooked me up to all sorts of equipments, to monitor pulse rate, BP, and thankfully, a heating mat around my thighs to keep me warm. When everything was done, my surgeon arrived in surgical outfit. She tapped me on the shoulder as a sign of encouragement - I had so much adrenaline then that my pulse was racing at approximately 105/min!

We waited for briefly before the anaesthetist arrived. He introduced himself as Dr Yong. Shortly after his arrival, he started getting into his work. This room was completely silent except for the beeping of the pulse meter. Dr Yong inserted an Intravenous (IV) Catheter into a vein on the left forearm (ouch!), through which he infused a colorless liquid. He started asking me a series questions which I had greater difficulty in answering as I grew drowsier by the seconds. The last line I heard him saying was "I am a Mindef reserve MO...", before I slipped into a world of oblivion.

I woke up with a spiking pain in my bandaged left eye and a horrible stench of chemical in my respiratory tract. I felt really nauseous and weak. Shortly after I gained consciousness, I felt a tap on my shoulder and Dr Yong came into view. He gave me his well wishes and left soon after. The nurses then wheeled me into the recuperative ward where I could recover from the anesthesia before the second part of the surgery. The after-effects of the anesthesia actually caused me to throw out twice before I was wheeled up to Dr Chia's room to do the fine adjustments before the stitches were tied. The whole process was swift and painless (I was on localised anesthesia) as I cooperated with Dr Chia. At the end of the process, I was given instructions on post-operative eye care and told to rest well, without strenuous activities for 6 weeks.

The few days following the operation were harder to get by due to the pain, and bloody discharges from the eye. The operated eye was sensitive to bright lights and painful with too much movement, so I had no choice but to stay in bed.

2 weeks down, I've regained my normal eye functions except with the remaining redness which is expected to fade 1 month after the operation.

First Post...

2006-10-07T12:25:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone. This is really my virgin attempt in blogging after long contemplation to make one. Think it looks kinda dull at the moment, but will come up with more posts after more foundation works are laid! Cheers!