Love seems to melt all negativity, all hated, all unhappiness. How strange is it to realize that all the negativity and jadedness we cook up in our minds for weeks and months just vanishes... with a simple act of forgiveness and love.
Life is about relationships, and how we handle them will result in how feel and live. But to love, it takes a party in a relationship to step out....
seems like it has been a year since i returned to this dark and silent place. a place i deposit my deepest thoughts and feelings. i'm back. With a bag load of emotions - sadness, depression... and deep unhappiness.
ever wonder why u exist here? what sets you apart from the other 6 billion? what is life about? is life about living for happiness? what if i don't thing happiness belongs to me? it seems elusive all the time. is happiness a choice, or is it a lie? i duno.... does anyone know i'm hurt and deeply pining for love. no one, not even my closest knows.
can anyone hear me or see me? i feel so alone walking in a sea of faces. whats so good about life, i simply don't know.
the whole world is making resolutions again. seems like my resolutions this years isnt anything new.... i could imagine copying those lines i wrote on this very wall merely a year ago and pasting them here.
life seemed to be a vicious cycle that repeats over and over again. I need a change. i need to see somebody new in the mirror next year. those resolutions are better written in my heart.
*sigh* Sometimes, life's just not as straight forward as it seems. Many likened life to a marathon, whhich some started off very well, but just did not get to finish the race.
Its half way through yet another semester for me. Amidst the business, I seemed to have lost myself once again. Feels like i've forgotten what i really want in life. All these set me to wonder if there is a true purpose in life. All the church-going hasn't really transformed me into a faithful follower of what a christian should believe. haha... Well, that's maybe because I am really not like Paul - with all his fanciful tale about a beam of light falling on him when he was on his way to damascus which eventually led him to the discovery of his true 'calling'. haha.. Okok, enough of these churchy rantings. All these stuff seems to be replaying so many times in my life that I simply lost count.
Back to the topic.. are there really some kind of purpose for our existence. Is human life just like the life cycle of any other organism on earth - nothing more than a way to prolong the life of the species through constant renewal and regeneration, but in a more fanciful manner (given our unusual intellect)? Do we create purposes for ourselves so that we might live purposeful and fulfilling lives? Tell me what you think if you see this?
The school's curriculum has finally lauched into its full swing... and it seems like this sem is busier than before... with 25 AUs on my belt, and pending 3 AUs more....nasty and boring subjects like Professional Communication (some course on resume writing and prep for intervews) and Engineers and Society (brain-washing subject taught by a boring lecturer).. projects to do... reports to complete... half the people whom i used to meet daily gone on missing and overseas... things are quite different. Well, not that I haven't expected it.
Amidst all the academic pursuits, I am not neglecting my poor actin and mysin... keeping to a 3 times a week workout regime is trying... but,nonetheless, it has kept me feeling fresh and alert....
I guess that's how things are supposed to be like when you get pulled out of your comfort zone. Being busy is want i always wanted. I've lived feeling more fulfilled and less time to waste....less time to emo... when time becomes a precious commodity.
I once heard a message on "living your dreams" by a pastor in church. He said that the most dangerous items in my household's not the sharp objects and tools... but the arm chair. Too much rest.. or sloth... robs us of our potential to realise our dreams.
This semester is going to be good. I am moving one step nearer. ;)
its finally less than 2 weeks before back to sch.. to be exact that should be 12 days? Sweet! So many things that i need to do before getting back to those books again... photocopying some books... get some new shoes.. etc etc...
And I just realised that this coming semester will be so different... i guess it'll probably more of me spending more time with the books and gym.. afterall i won't be seeing so many friendly faces next semester - at least a dozen of them will be on Industrial attachment! Quite a few are flying overseas to places like france, switzerland and denmark for student exchange programme. wish that everyone will have a fruitful time.
in the meantime, it will be more fun and meet up with friends, to catch up and to say farwewell :)